Chastity Lifestyle Blog By Experienced Sex Educators

Today we are observing one final sex-positive holiday in July to cap the month off with a bang!  Or, in this case, a perfectly ruined one. Thursday, July 31 is National Orgasm Day, a celebration of explosive sexual satisfaction. For the chastity community, this observance hits a little differently. When it comes to chastity orgasms, some say that  chastity"rules" permit orgasms entirely, because "what's the point of being in chastity, then?"  Is it against the rules to have a chastity orgasm?  Depends on who you ask.  We’ve said it once, and we’ll keep saying it until we’re blue in the balls: having a chastity orgasm comes down to personal preference, lifestyle, relationship dynamics, and consent, of course.  For kinky chastity play folks who do include or permit orgasms in their situation or relationship, the approach is often strategic and intentional. All chastity orgasms are not created equal, and understanding the different types can help you explore or discover what works best for your dynamic. How are orgasms different from ejaculation? For male orgasms, there is a difference between orgasms and ejaculation. Orgasms are a result of intense pleasure and pelvic contractions. Otherwise known as the peak of climax and toe-curling release you feel when you come. Ejaculation is purely physical; the expulsion of semen from the penis. What are the different types of orgasms?  Beyond traditional orgasms, chastity enthusiasts explore various types of release including sissygasms (prostate-only orgasms achieved through anal stimulation), forced orgasms (continued stimulation past the point of comfort), nipplegasms (climax achieved through nipple stimulation alone), and ruined orgasms (interrupted climax that leaves you wanting more). Each type of orgasm can serve a different psychological and physical purpose in power exchange dynamics. Enter the ruined orgasm, which can be one of the most powerful tools in a D/s dynamic. What is a ruined orgasm?  In the world of ruined orgasms, the journey outweighs the destination. In a few words, ruined orgasms are typically defined by an unexpected interruption during orgasm. For couples exploring chastity, ruined orgasms offer a fascinating middle ground between complete denial and full release. They're not just about teasing (though there's plenty of that). They're about maintaining that heightened state of arousal that makes chastity play so psychologically compelling.  A ruined orgasm happens when stimulation stops right at the point of no return, allowing ejaculation to occur without the satisfying rush of pleasure. Think of it as your body going through the motions while your brain gets left hanging. The result? Semen release, without the feel-good chemicals that typically flood your system during a full orgasm. The key difference from regular orgasms is what happens next. Instead of feeling satisfied and sleepy, most people remain aroused, frustrated, and ready for more. It's like having dessert that looks perfect but tastes like cardboard. Technically you got what you wanted, but somehow you're left wanting more. What does a ruined orgasm feel like? "Welp, that took the wind out of my sails" might be the most widely-recognized idiom that captures the feeling of a ruined orgasm. Picture yourself sailing toward your destination with wind filling your sails, the anticipation building as you gain momentum with each gust. The refreshing breeze carries you forward, everything aligned perfectly for a smooth arrival at your intended harbor. But then, just as you're approaching the dock with full speed and excitement, the wind suddenly dies. Your sails go slack, your boat loses its power, and instead of the satisfying arrival you were building toward, you're left drifting aimlessly in still water. The momentum that felt so promising just moments before has completely vanished, leaving you stranded somewhere between where you started and where you desperately wanted to be.  That sudden shift from anticipation and building intensity to an abrupt, unsatisfying halt is what defines a ruined orgasm.  What is the difference between a ruined orgasm and edging? Ruined orgasms and edging are two distinct experiences. Edging brings you right to the brink of orgasm (that 9.9 out of 10 feeling) and then backs off completely. No ejaculation, no release. Just pure, concentrated frustration that builds anticipation for next time. Ruined orgasms push past that point of no return but withdraw stimulation just as orgasm begins. Your body completes the physical process, but the mental satisfaction is squashed due to the sudden lack of stimulation. Both serve different purposes in chastity play, and many couples use them in combination to create increasingly intense experiences. "I try to edge myself but keep accidentally ruining orgasms. What should I do?"  Practice edging more, but start further from the edge. Using a 1-10 scale where 10 is orgasm, try staying at a 6 or 7 instead of pushing to 9. As you get better at recognizing the lower levels, you can gradually work closer to the edge. Treat accidental ruins as learning experiences rather than failures, because they're part of the process of developing better control! Why ruin a perfectly good orgasm? The appeal lies in what doesn't happen after. Regular orgasms typically trigger a refractory period where arousal drops and that submissive, attentive energy fades. Ruined orgasms allow for semen release while maintaining that heightened psychological state.  Many couples discover that ruined orgasms can actually intensify horniness and desire rather than satisfy it. Instead of feeling "done," the experience often leaves people more focused on their partner and eager to please. Are ruined orgasms a reward or a punishment? Again, depends on who you ask. Some view ruined orgasms as a reward. They get stimulation and release without losing that aroused energy. Others see them as delicious torture that keeps them focused on their partner. Both perspectives can be right within the same relationship, depending on context and mood. Here are some real-world experiences to broaden your POV: "The ruined orgasms took the edge off how horny he was, but he was still quite horny and had a very satisfying orgasm hours after his ruined orgasm. So, for us, it's not a reward or a punishment. It's an appetizer." "I think it's silly to pretend that there are 'technicalities' here. It is simply a question of the sub's response and perception. I fetishized ruins and would perceive them as a sort of punishment, but it's a punishment that I crave if it allows me to serve the Dom's cruelty more. I know a sub who was ruined after a long session and almost had a mental breakdown as a result. Master later told me that was a harsh punishment for his sub, and he wouldn’t take it so lightly next time. Dom must simply remain aware." "For me they are both rewards. I love to be edged by her or by me. To be constantly horny and aroused is the best. The ruined orgasm is just to release fluids that will come out at awkward times, but still keep me horny and complacent." "Ruining an O is much more detrimental to me personally so it's more of a punishment. Edging is the best! I want her to play with me all the time, and if she never lets me O, then I am staying up and active constantly. It is a win win for me. Short Version: Edging = Reward, Ruin = Punishment with a reward to get there." General tips for ruined orgasms Prioritize communication & consent. Establish boundaries and clear signals or safe words in advance. The sub should be able to communicate their arousal level on a 1-10 scale. Timing takes practice. Don't worry about "ruining the ruin." Remember this: try first, fail second, learn third.  Some find that using numbing agents like penis desensitizing sprays can help with delay and timing.  Three ways to ruin a sub's orgasm 1: Manual hand stimulation only. Sit on your partner's stomach, reverse cowgirl style, and keep him in a flat, laying position. Tease his balls one by one, then start incorporating the penis. Body language is everything. The more he starts to move, the closer he might be to climax. Abruptly stop when he says he's about to cum and enjoy the pathetic dribble. For added humiliation, make him eat his cum from the bed and his cage.  2: Get behind your sub and get close to his body. Start with a wand vibrator on the penis tip only while pegging with an anal dildo from behind. When he comes close, remove the vibration but keep pounding until he starts to ejaculate out of his locked, non-erect cock. Keep penetrating him with the dildo to force out another dribble or four. You'll notice a lil' squirt with every thrust.  3: One couple plays an intense guessing game where the sub is let out of chastity for lengthy tease sessions. The Dom has mastered the line between edging and ruined orgasms so precisely that the sub often can't tell which occurred. Blindfolded and restrained, the sub must guess whether they were edged or ruined after each session. Edge guess correct: game continues.  Edge guess incorrect: punishment involves a full orgasm directly into their mouth, then back to the cage. Ruin guess correct: reward of a full orgasm in their preferred method. Ruin guess incorrect: must consume the ruined orgasm, game over, back to chastity.  To run or not to ruin an orgasm?  There's no universal playbook for chastity dynamics, and frankly, that's the point! What drives one person crazy might bore the next person to tears. The real pleasure often comes from surrendering that control, whether you've locked yourself up or handed the keys to someone else who gets to decide your fate. Happy National Orgasm Day to the CB-X chastity community. May the (sweet, sweet) misery be with you.

We've got a lot to share on this subject, so buckle up! If you're looking for a day-to-day game plan for daily accountability, be sure to check out our comprehensive male chastity journal, The Self-Discipline Blueprint.  We suspect that there are two primary reasons that you, dear reader, might be reading this blog at this moment in time.  1: You are about to lock your cock for the first time, and you’re anticipating an unimaginable struggle, or 2: You’ve found yourself riding the Massive Wave of Horniness – a special kind of hell that brings frustration to new chastity wearers generally between days two and five of locked life. 🔐 If you're distracted from the things you’re supposed to be focusing on, that is normal. Most people get slammed by the Massive Wave of Horniness between days two and five. If you find yourself incredibly distracted now, or you anticipate incredible distraction when you lock for the first time, you should mellow out soon. Having a deadline or work to focus on sucks, but you’re in luck.  No matter how frustrated you might be, we want to reassure you: Yes, you will learn how to stop feeling horny in chastity and effective strategies to implement to help achieve mind over matter. Like the ones coming in hot, below. 🤓 Chastity is a mind game. And when you approach chastity as a game, you might realize that obeying your own rules is just a matter of coming up with new ways to trick yourself into doing what you set out to do.  Self-Locked Chastity Tips Tip #1: Keep a chastity journal. Document your goals, challenges, and areas of improvement for the days ahead. For those who need stringent self-discipline, staying accountable every day (with an AM & PM check-in) can really keep you on track. Plus, it can feel extremely rewarding to look back on your progress.  Tip #2: Make yourself cum. Yeah, we said it. Make yourself cum while in chastity. Just get it out of your system. Set a goal to give yourself the most intense locked orgasms that you can imagine...for a limited time. As in, between days one and five only, while riding the Massive Wave of Horniness that we mentioned earlier. Go ahead and stimulate your nipples. Put something (safe) in your butt. Touch the tip of your dick through the pee hole of your vented cock cage. Soon enough, the excitement will fade (it will), and you’ll be left locked up.  Tip #3: Use a habit tracker app.  A habit tracker app provides consistent accountability and visual progress monitoring, helping you stay committed to your chastity goals through daily check-ins and streak visualization. The discrete tracking and data insights help you identify patterns, overcome challenging periods, and maintain long-term dedication to your personal discipline journey. Tip #4: Lock up your sex toys.  All of them. Because if you’re set on orgasming, locking away anything and everything that can make you orgasm is necessary. We recommend a small or large lockable storage container with ventilation. Tip #5: Size down.  More restrictive cages generally mean fewer orgasmic releases. Despite added pressure from a smaller chastity cage, your body won’t react like it’s getting pleasure the same way it does in roomier men's chastity cages.  Tip #6: The Ol’ Mailbox Trick Get a PO mailbox in a different town/city/zip code. Some users recommend up to four hours away from where you live. Mail your chastity key/s to the PO Box.  When you're handling the key, always have an envelope addressed. If and when you get the urge to break your rules, it's easy to stick your key in the envelope and drop it in any USPS mailbox OR leave it in your outgoing mail. The keys will be stored securely, but it will take a drive to get them.  Mailbox Trick Bonus Tip: Follow the Five Second Rule The Five Second Rule is an effective way to keep yourself in line. Originally coined by Mel Robbins, the 5 Second Rule is praised by many as a “life-changing hack” to break bad habits. In the context of chastity, it might just be self-mastery magic.  How it works: The moment you get the urge to unlock or touch your cock, start the five-second countdown. You have five seconds to grab the envelope and seal up the key. Make sure to follow through and leave it in your outgoing mail for USPS. Tip #7: Create a list of meaningful activities that you will actually do. Find ways to distract yourself by making a list of positive activities that will help redirect your sexual energy. Find *literally* anything else to do with your hands, even if it’s drawing stick figures on a piece of paper. This can be a fertile opportunity for some real personal growth, too. Focusing on more intentional or mindful tasks can help improve your day-to-day life, too. Some examples:  Short-Term Activities Organize your phone or computer storage. Delete all of those old photos and screenshots that you’ll never need again.  Get grounded. Go for a walk.  Wash, fold, or put away the laundry. Cleaning clutter in your space can work wonders on your mental health! Write an actual letter to a friend (Yes, the kind of letter that requires stamps. This is how to maximize mileage with the Mailbox Trick. Research “Tantra and chastity” online. Learn about ethical conduct and discipline as essential components.  Ongoing Activities Create a stretching or yoga playlist on YouTube and complete a video when you feel triggered or tempted. Explore free classes on Udemy and learn a new skill.  Generate some cash! Create an eBay or Poshmark seller account and start selling stuff you don’t use anymore. Create a 7-day meal plan & grocery store list. Implement it. Explore themes like “meal plan for heart health” or “meal plan for gut health." Join a free online community like FetLife or r/ChastityTraining and search “self-discipline” for supportive folks.  Find a consenting accountability partner, and stay in touch weekly. Those online communities are great places to start.  Tip #9: Reprogram your brain. NBD. There are only so many tasks that you can work into one day. It's the slow time between distractions that is the most challenging. This is when mindset matters the most. Adopt a mindset that you’re just not into orgasms. (Easier said than done.) We’d love to get into Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP) for chastity, but we’re chastity experts, not psychologists! ....Or ARE we??? 😮🤔 Anyways. Recommended research: Neuro-linguistic Programming Techniques you can use every day.  Ways to Hide Your Chastity Key The idea is to build minor (or serious) physical barriers so that you can’t unlock on a whim.  Using a string inside a straw, suspend the key/s from the top of a cup so they're directly in the middle. Fill the cup with water and freeze it solid. (Takes a little longer for the blow dryer to melt through the center this way, as opposed to freezing it in an ice cube mold.) Leave it outside overnight Bury the key somewhere in your backyard. Don’t mark the location.  Use a timed lockbox.  Throw it behind a heavy piece of furniture  Kayak to a nearby island and leave it in a secret spot for the weekend. (True story.) For safety reasons we must remind you to keep an emergency key handy, like at work or in your car. Reminders for the Road We’ll say it a million times: no two chastity journeys are the same. Borrowing tips from others can be helpful, but if they aren’t working for you, you’ll know. Just keep tweaking until you find the perfect fit that flows best with your lifestyle.   What you feel today won’t necessarily feel the same tomorrow, the day after that, or next week. Refer back to Tip #1. Track your progress. You might not think this can be possible now, but denial can ultimately feel more pleasurable than any orgasm. Mental Mastery No matter who holds your key, chastity mastery is all about self-control. You could own countless devices or hide your keys in a hundred different places, but all of that is meaningless without your full commitment and determination. Real User Perspective “In my opinion, there is no point in making the key hard to find because it's all a matter of willpower, if you can't resist and keep unlocking, throwing the key away won't prevent you from popping one ball out of the ring and escaping out of the cage, unless you're wearing a PA piercing, but even then, bolt cutters can still be used. So really, it's a matter of willpower, nobody can force you to be caged, even with a partner, you stay caged because you want to, that's the truth.” If you’ve been locked -- by yourself or otherwise -- was that real user perspective way harsh, or too true? Please leave your thoughts, tips, and tricks for other users below. Curious minds want to know your success stories.

Here are ten ways to cum in a chastity device, straight from the chastity community!

Happy Locktober! We can't help but feel a personal connection to this holiday for obvious reasons! If you're not familiar with Locktober, let us explain. What is Locktober? It's the most wonderful tiiiiiiiime of the year! Locktober coincides with the kink community’s high holiday, Kinktober. No matter which you observe, both of these annual celebrations dovetail into the perfect crescendo, boiling down to the same common goal of exploring new ways to engage in safe, consensual, risk aware kink. (Or whichever philosophy you prefer.)  The way we see it, “kinky” is just another word for “creative” - and Locktober/Kinktober is the PERFECT opportunity to give chastity a try. Every year, Locktober marks an entire month - 31 days - of staying locked in a chastity device. However, we know that staying locked in long-term chastity can be a work-in-progress. Whether your record is 31 minutes, 31 days or longer, we are rooting you on to step outside of your comfort zone and incorporate a little extra time in your chastity cage and different ways to self-stimulate when your cock is locked this month.  How CB-X is Celebrating Locktober 2024 1: Today, we welcome GLOWTOBER to the mix as we announce the launch of our brand spankin’ new chastity cage collection, Lunar Lockdown! This collection features four of our worldwide best-selling male chastity devices in a new glow-in-the-dark color - including Mini-Me, Mr. Stubb, CB-6000S and CB-6000 chastity cages or an all-inclusive modular chastity kit!  Pictured: Glow-in-the-Dark CB-6000S Chastity Cage Note: if you already have a CB-X chastity setup (base, U-Rings, pins, spacers) - click the first “chastity cages” link above. All CB-X chastity device kits are interchangeable with any of our worldwide best-selling cock cages.   2: Based on requests from the CB-X community, we created a 2024 Locktober Chastity Challenge Digital Workbook with 31 chastity tasks and games to try every day this month! (Similar to our Six Weeks of Sissy Tasks digital guide, but with 31 new chastity games!)     Here is a sneak peek of what to expect each day. Of course, you can mix and match based on your cock cage lifestyle, relationship status, or personal goals. We kept all levels of chastity experience and diverse lifestyle preferences in mind for couples and self-locked chastity wearers. These chastity games are ideal for beginner to intermediate chastity cage wearers who are focused on goal-setting and playful activities throughout the month of Locktober. Included in our printable, 17-page 2024 Locktober Chastity Challenge guide: Locktober Rules 31 Days of Chastity Games for Locktober 2024 List of Chastity Habits  Chastity Weekly Habit Tracker Sheet 4-Week Locktober Chastity Journal 3 Lined Sheets for Writing Chastity Standards like “My cock stays locked!” Final Takeaways Sheet to Recap Your Locktober Journey A handful of exclusive CB-X.com promo codes throughout October to save on our favorite kink toys and chastity accessories for the ultimate chastity experience in Locktober and beyond!   For a preview of what is to come, and more ideas to keep your cock on lock for the month of October, keep reading. Below, we included one game per week as an example of what you can expect. To purchase the CB-X Locktober 2024 Chastity Challenge Digital Book, click here.  LOCKTOBER 2024 CALENDAR WEEK 1 Theme: Chastity Goals Tuesday 10/1: Identify your Locktober 2024 goals. How many hours or days do you plan to stay locked? Are you comfortable adding more time to that throughout Locktober? Write your goals down in a chastity journal or in a Notes app.  LOCKTOBER 2024 CALENDAR WEEK 2  Theme: Short-Term Chastity Play Wednesday 10/9: Cold showers only now through Sunday night.  LOCKTOBER 2024 CALENDAR WEEK 3 Theme: Couple’s Chastity Play Tuesday 10/15: Send the locked cock out with a humiliating shopping list, like tampons, pads, Nair hair remover, women’s razors, condoms for small cocks, anal lube, women’s pantyhose, and nail polish. LOCKTOBER 2024 CALENDAR WEEK 4  Theme: Long-Term Chastity Tuesday 10/22: Tease your balls until they are throbbing and swollen for 30 minutes tonight with no release at 7pm, 8:30pm, and 10pm.   LOCKTOBER 2024 CALENDAR WEEK 5 Theme: More Ways to Gamify Chastity Play Monday 10/28: Make him clean, dust, and polish every item in the living room while wearing a pair of your panties. If every item is spotless, he gets a caged blow job. These are just 5 out of 31 unique, handpicked chastity games you'll find in our Locktober Games Chastity Challenge Workbook. For a handful of free chastity games and tasks to play during Locktober, read Best Locktober Chastity Games 2023 and Best Locktober Chastity Games 2022! Top 3 Locktober 2024 Chastity Essentials 1: Keyholder Deluxe Clear Key Box With Timer Lock 2: CB-X Chastity Cage Cleaning Kit 3: Anti-Pullout Chastity Accessory We will be releasing a new blog every Tuesday during October with more Locktober 2024 chastity surprises from CB-X! Click here to subscribe. Don't forget to check out our new Lunar Lockdown glow-in-the-dark chastity cage collection! What chastity games or tasks will you be completing this Locktober? Leave a comment below. Let the games begin, CB-X

Locktober 2023 has arrived! Read our blog for six Loctober chastity games and activities to try during the month of October.