June 9th marks National Sex Day, a celebration that began in Brazil in the 1980s and has since spread worldwide as a day to embrace intimate connection. While this holiday encourages open conversations about pleasure and sexuality, we're focusing on something a little more specific.
When it comes to couples' chastity play, there are no “rules” as to what it needs to be. As long as it’s consensual, of course. So does “sex” go in the same sentence as “chastity”? Maybe. Maybe not. The only thing that matters is if it feels fun/good/hot/thrilling/fulfilling to you.
This blog shares tips from chastity couples to other couples who have moved beyond curiosity into actual practice, and the different ways they use chastity as an intimacy enhancer, catalyst for connection, or as a substitute for sex.
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Chastity Sex Tip #1: Reframe control as a mutual benefit.
"My husband found out about chastity and suggested to try it out as it might be a perfect scenario for us: I could limit sexual activity if I'm not in the mood, while for him it could still feel good because for him it's like a prolonged type of foreplay, at least if I also like the idea."
Chastity Sex Tip #2: Create an orgasm economy.
"Orgasm trading. For every 30 orgasms he gives you, he earns 1 ruined orgasm. For every 60 orgasms he gives you, he will get a proper one. That’s how we do it! 30:1 & 60:1."
Chastity Sex Tip #3: Redefine what “sex” means to both of you.
"My spouse and I had sex in my truck last night. She sat in the passenger seat with the Magic Wand plugged into the outlet, and gave herself a big orgasm, moaning and moaning… while I was driving, with my chastity cage secure, and my pants up. My part was to reach over and support the vibe and put more pressure on her clit as she was about to lose her grip from the orgasm she was experiencing. She said that this is the best kind of sex we have now. She orgasms, and I'm only allowed to leak in my cage. I absolutely love this new dynamic."
Chastity Sex Tip #4: Make daily connection non-negotiable.
"Once we started playing with chastity, our sexual activities changed a lot (obviously). I can’t stress enough how important it is for us to do something sexual every day. Yes, I know this might sound like a lot of work, or counterintuitive, but it changed everything for us! Just plan a little bit of mutual sexual activity like kissing or genital massage, and you will find it becomes very easy to make the locked partner happy. And that helped us serve our chastity purpose initially, as well. Now, he gets what he gets and he has to be happy about it. Much less stress for both of us (except for the good type of sexual tension).
Chastity Sex Tip #5: Small gestures = big impact.
"In my relationship, my Keyholder (wife) and I choose one simple task every day, and add an element of sex to it, without actually having sex. One example: we watch TV together every evening, and she simply leaves her hand on my cage without any movement. This is effortless, and makes both of us feel connected. Plus, these tasks can take less than two minutes some days. You can get as creative as you’d like. The rules are defined by you and only you…that’s what makes it so special.”
It’s All About the Foundation!
If you're not yet exploring chastity but considering it, remember that successful kink requires a solid foundation. Focus on your vanilla sex first—learning about each other's bodies, mastering hand and oral techniques, and building genuine sexual communication. Once you've elevated your baseline intimacy, you'll have the security needed to explore power exchange dynamics successfully.
For those already locked up, these real-world strategies from experienced couples can help you align sexually even more deeply. The key is consistency, creativity, and remembering that the best chastity dynamics serve both partners' needs.